I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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