New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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