Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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