Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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