is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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