hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
