Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
