In America we eat man semen.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
