Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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