____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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