Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
