Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
