Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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