Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
