I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
