Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
