I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
did i just pee glitter
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
