dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize