If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just want nice things and good sex
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
