fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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