you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
