I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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