im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
