My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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