Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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