Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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