i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
