She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
