True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
