i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Porn is love you can see.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
