i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
