What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
