I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
