I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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