Screwed.edu
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
