So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
