dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
