I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
