Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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