I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
