everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
