Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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