Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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