her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
