ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
