I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
