I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His hands were made for my vagina.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I wear drunk well.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
