I wanna bring you to show and tell
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
