Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize