Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize