I cannot find my penis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
