i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
