Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so that wasnt chicken after all
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
