he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
