I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize