Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
