The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
