The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You ruined the universe
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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