so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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