READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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