I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
