I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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