I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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