dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
