Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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