I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize