Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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