found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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