How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
