you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
