the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
