Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize