If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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